Thursday, May 5, 2011

What? You Don't Find Death Funny?

suggested listening

I find death funny, to tell the absolute stark truth. Oh I know it's not funny when someone's mother or grandfather or lover dies. And I've never laughed at a funeral--scratch that, I did once. Because they were blatantly lying about the person. They said they would be sorely missed, but their own children were glad they were dead. Tragic but true. I laughed then, just a little. Anyways. With that one exception, I've always been the picture of appropriate at such occasions, regardless of my personal knowledge of the person but when it's a fictional death, that's a total different matter.

I tend to get very wrapped up in the fictional lives of fictional people. Lost is such an emotionally traumatizing show. I can sit down at my laptop, find a sad fanmade music video about Dean Winchester and be a basket-case by the time the thing is done. I remember sniffling for weeks after the Lord of the Rings. So much love! So many tragic deaths! Heroism! Nobility! Blah!

I recently discovered the wonders of webcam. For laughs I recorded myself watching a very angsty Vampire Diaries scene. Priceless. To protect my identity (and dignity) I will not post it. But oh my gods. My face when I thought someone was dying. I wanted to make a poster or something of it. It was so laughable!

Tonight, I was driving my little brothers somewhere and playing a mix cd of mine. The gorgeously dark and haunting, 'O Death' by Jen Titus came on. I turned it up and told my brothers how much appreciation I have for the song. They smiled politely at me, not wanting to risk my wrath, especially while I'm driving, but I could tell they were a little freaked out. While I was swooning over the "Nothing satisfies me but your soul" line, my poor little brothers looked like they wanted to throw themselves out of the truck.

"Wasn't that the most beautiful thing you ever hear?"

"Um...yeah. No. Not really actually it's scary."

"What???" I was genuinely surprised by their dislike of it. "How could it scare you?"

"How could it not!? It's about death!!"

Oh. Right. That...

I guess my philosophy is more like Hurley's (yes that is a Lost reference)...

"Let's look death in the face and say, 'Whatever, man'."

And maybe crack a few jokes at it too.

Monday, May 2, 2011

The First Post or...

...Why Homeschoolers Don't Need Chaperones.

[disclaimer: some events, people groups and general things maybe grossly, LIED...about for humorous effect.]

Have you ever met a real-live homeschooler? They can be queer creatures. Only none of them are queer. Actually a lot of them are homophobes. Not all of them wear blue-jean jumpers (an unfortunate misconception). Most of them appear quite normal. But once you start talking to them---Lord!

You either get nasty, judgy, Homeschool Bitch or genuinely nice, relatively cool (for homeschoolers anyways), probably smart, Homeschool Person. I never associate with the first kind, except to take notes for future amusing, mocking stories. but I know a lot of people in the second group and was recently invited to a party hosted by and attended by the second type. The general info and invites to the party were passed around by the kids, but the mother of the girl hosting the party also released a statement to the parents (it really can only be phrased that way. It was so formal and serious. I didn't even realize high school seniors parents had to be given info on parties). She told them that while it would be a fun party they had "no worries" because there would be "lots of chaperones".

Not gonna lie, my interest was piqued. What? Is there a history of wild crazy homeschool partying??? So I went to the party.

I carefully selected my outfit, (skinny jeans, baggy&faded tee, boots and a jean jacket--it all looked great, naturally.) messed up my hair, and hopped in my truck, excited to see why a homeschool party needed so many chaperones. Once there I was greeted by loud shouts coming from the backyard. My excitement level rose and I walked faster to the door, even as my mind said, You know these kids. They're good kids. There's not gonna be any table dancing here! But I still pushed open the door, totally thinking the party would be in such swing that no one would notice that I didn't bother to knock.

What did I see? Kids playing the piano, arguing politics and being handed pieces of cake (birthday cake. No alcohol or weed or anything like that in it) sliced up by middle age moms. What the hell? I thought this was a party!

I ended up having a decent enough time, but I came to the realization, homeschool kids don't need chaperones. Their parents go along as chaperones to convince themselves their children are wild, normal kids, but they don't need chaperones. Legit, I was the only one who needed a chaperone, but what fun is trouble if there's no one to cause trouble with?

Moral of the story? Homeschool kids are frightfully good and don't need chaperones. Unless they're the evil bitch type. But that's a whole 'nother, probably more amusing (Ke$ha meets homeschooling anyone?) post.