Monday, May 2, 2011

The First Post or...

...Why Homeschoolers Don't Need Chaperones.

[disclaimer: some events, people groups and general things maybe grossly, LIED...about for humorous effect.]

Have you ever met a real-live homeschooler? They can be queer creatures. Only none of them are queer. Actually a lot of them are homophobes. Not all of them wear blue-jean jumpers (an unfortunate misconception). Most of them appear quite normal. But once you start talking to them---Lord!

You either get nasty, judgy, Homeschool Bitch or genuinely nice, relatively cool (for homeschoolers anyways), probably smart, Homeschool Person. I never associate with the first kind, except to take notes for future amusing, mocking stories. but I know a lot of people in the second group and was recently invited to a party hosted by and attended by the second type. The general info and invites to the party were passed around by the kids, but the mother of the girl hosting the party also released a statement to the parents (it really can only be phrased that way. It was so formal and serious. I didn't even realize high school seniors parents had to be given info on parties). She told them that while it would be a fun party they had "no worries" because there would be "lots of chaperones".

Not gonna lie, my interest was piqued. What? Is there a history of wild crazy homeschool partying??? So I went to the party.

I carefully selected my outfit, (skinny jeans, baggy&faded tee, boots and a jean jacket--it all looked great, naturally.) messed up my hair, and hopped in my truck, excited to see why a homeschool party needed so many chaperones. Once there I was greeted by loud shouts coming from the backyard. My excitement level rose and I walked faster to the door, even as my mind said, You know these kids. They're good kids. There's not gonna be any table dancing here! But I still pushed open the door, totally thinking the party would be in such swing that no one would notice that I didn't bother to knock.

What did I see? Kids playing the piano, arguing politics and being handed pieces of cake (birthday cake. No alcohol or weed or anything like that in it) sliced up by middle age moms. What the hell? I thought this was a party!

I ended up having a decent enough time, but I came to the realization, homeschool kids don't need chaperones. Their parents go along as chaperones to convince themselves their children are wild, normal kids, but they don't need chaperones. Legit, I was the only one who needed a chaperone, but what fun is trouble if there's no one to cause trouble with?

Moral of the story? Homeschool kids are frightfully good and don't need chaperones. Unless they're the evil bitch type. But that's a whole 'nother, probably more amusing (Ke$ha meets homeschooling anyone?) post.

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